PART V: FINDING SOUL IN DEFEAT.
I got a cute car at least, I thought, as my service associate cheerfully escorted me into a Kia Soul loaner vehicle.
“…the hamster car”
When I climbed into the Kia Soul, I won’t lie, I immediately thought “dancing hamsters”. My five-year-old shouted, “it’s the hamster car!!! Look! LOOK! IT LIGHTS UP UNDERNEATH! Wow, that’s big, this looks like a college kid car, there’s so much space for books!” – this was all hilarious commentary and made me love this car right away. If you can authentically impress a five-year-old, you are capable of all the world. Thanks, Kia Soul! He was distracted for a full 140 seconds by your features. This might be a lifetime record of concentration. I have to admit, the lighting up underneath was awfully cooler than any other car in the parking lot at Target.
I love hamsters though. I had like twenty Siberian hamsters when I was 8. Who didn’t? And I do like dancing, I mean my friends say I look like the blow-up inflatable air dancer advertising guy when I groove, but that’s never stopped me this lanky lady from grooving accordingly. So maybe the Soul and I will get down just fine. We got to know each other fairly quickly, because the Soul is just that kind of car. You feel nervous, it reassures you. You aren’t sure how it’ll handle, and it handles just grandly. It’s close to the ground, it is incredibly safe. It just has a lot of really great qualities that I promptly appreciated upon our first cruise around town.
There’s no denying it, the Soul is hip. I’m 33. I felt as cool as a twenty-something headed to Coachella, but as responsible as an actual adult for choosing a uniquely spacious, smooth driving, practical, affordable, fun vehicle. The colors are great. There is an astounding amount of trunk space for a small car. It fits ALL OF THE BASEBALL GEAR. The features are almost awesomely millennial yet somehow span the ages to everyone who ever loved their technology (read: everyone in the history of forever or at least since around the release of the iPhone). Over the few weeks it was my car, I became attached! It is small, so you can park EVERYWHERE, which in DC is magical. You’re almost the size of a SmartCar, but still an actual real car instead of just traveling major highways in a Polly Pocket on wheels.
In summary, while it was not my life partner Tom Hardy, I was not going to scoff a long romantic friendship drive for a month with Ryan Gosling while Tom is shooting overseas, I mean it’s unreasonable to think I should be left alone all of that time, and this is probably the best way I can personally compare my experience with the Optima and the Soul. Ideally, this concept translates. Insert any celebrity you would marry (your own Kia), and imagine it is indisposed or maybe on a space mission for years, then add any celebrity you would marry IF the other one fell through (another Kia you can borrow, but come on, you have your boundaries, don’t try any funny stuff!).
Written By Meg April