#LEMONKIA – One Customer’s Journey (Part V)


I got a cute car at least, I thought, as my service associate cheerfully escorted me into a Kia Soul loaner vehicle.

“…the hamster car”

When I climbed into the Kia Soul, I won’t lie, I immediately thought “dancing hamsters”. My five-year-old shouted, “it’s the hamster car!!! Look! LOOK! IT LIGHTS UP UNDERNEATH! Wow, that’s big, this looks like a college kid car, there’s so much space for books!” – this was all hilarious commentary and made me love this car right away. If you can authentically impress a five-year-old, you are capable of all the world. Thanks, Kia Soul! He was distracted for a full 140 seconds by your features. This might be a lifetime record of concentration. I have to admit, the lighting up underneath was awfully cooler than any other car in the parking lot at Target.

I love hamsters though. I had like twenty Siberian hamsters when I was 8. Who didn’t? And I do like dancing, I mean my friends say I look like the blow-up inflatable air dancer advertising guy when I groove, but that’s never stopped me this lanky lady from grooving accordingly. So maybe the Soul and I will get down just fine. We got to know each other fairly quickly, because the Soul is just that kind of car. You feel nervous, it reassures you. You aren’t sure how it’ll handle, and it handles just grandly. It’s close to the ground, it is incredibly safe. It just has a lot of really great qualities that I promptly appreciated upon our first cruise around town.


There’s no denying it, the Soul is hip. I’m 33. I felt as cool as a twenty-something headed to Coachella, but as responsible as an actual adult for choosing a uniquely spacious, smooth driving, practical, affordable, fun vehicle. The colors are great. There is an astounding amount of trunk space for a small car. It fits ALL OF THE BASEBALL GEAR. The features are almost awesomely millennial yet somehow span the ages to everyone who ever loved their technology (read: everyone in the history of forever or at least since around the release of the iPhone). Over the few weeks it was my car, I became attached! It is small, so you can park EVERYWHERE, which in DC is magical. You’re almost the size of a SmartCar, but still an actual real car instead of just traveling major highways in a Polly Pocket on wheels.

In summary, while it was not my life partner Tom Hardy, I was not going to scoff a long romantic friendship drive for a month with Ryan Gosling while Tom is shooting overseas, I mean it’s unreasonable to think I should be left alone all of that time, and this is probably the best way I can personally compare my experience with the Optima and the Soul. Ideally, this concept translates. Insert any celebrity you would marry (your own Kia), and imagine it is indisposed or maybe on a space mission for years, then add any celebrity you would marry IF the other one fell through (another Kia you can borrow, but come on, you have your boundaries, don’t try any funny stuff!).

Written By Meg April

#LEMONKIA – One Customer’s Journey (Part IV)


Even with the best car ever, the worst can happen, no fault of its own.

Well, here was my first worst choice: going on an 11PM McDonald’s run. Sometimes you just need chicken nuggets with that sweet and sour sauce for a childhood throwback. Don’t judge me . Second worst choice: elation over said splendid nuggets surmounting reason and catalyzed negligence – as I bounced into my apartment with my fast food and forgot to bring my purse inside.

Fast forward nine hours.

What a lovely, albeit bloated, morning in Washington! I remember my purse is on my seat, but I live in a mostly crime-free neighborhood so I wasn’t worried. Yet as I walk outside, admiring the cherry blossoms, wondering if twenty chicken nuggets is FOR just one human woman or is supposed to be shared by maybe three people, and a lump jumps into my throat as I step upon the cobblestone covered with shards of glass. I look up – my passenger seat covered with glass, my window bashed in – completely shattered – and the whole door was damaged with the adjacent brick clearly used to bash it in. Purse gone. KIA devastated.

I then trudge through the arduous process of replacing everything, although the joke was on the thieves, and police report was a gas, because my only credit card had $4.91 in credit left on it, I had no cash, and they stole a consignment shop purse I got for three bucks. Karma.

But oh my, oh no, MY POOR BROKEN OPTIMA! I knew it would need extensive repair. The policeman told me not to drive it, but I’m not going to abandon my sweet Kia at its weakest moment! I attempt to sweep off glass and drive it, I mean glass flew into my eye as I hit the breeze over the Key Bridge and forgot that I couldn’t roll up a shattered window, but that’s true love, isn’t it? I savored our final moments together before we sadly parted ways. I’ll never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go.

And like many of us, I am a person who treats my car as my extended home. I do not like to part with it, ever. Everything I need is right there – gym clothes, a few pairs of shoes, a few pairs of glasses in the glove box, a stash of Jolly Ranchers in the center console. So I brought my car to the service department and ended up with a loaner car for a month. I winced and had a tantrum within while reluctantly handing over my key fob (after squeezing it tightly and whispering to it ‘be good for your grandmother’) and dragged my feet like a toddler forced to go shopping for clothes as I walked into the parking lot meet my likely distant second choice. Like if I were the Car Bachelorette, they were about to stick me with some vehicle that would not get a rose. I took a deep breath and walked past the lineup of possible cars, like walking into a restaurant to meet a blind date saying “Brad?” to every cute guy you pass, and being ushered to the really rude and sweaty guy yelling at the waitress and saying defeatedly, oh great, you’re Brad.

Written By Meg April

#LEMONKIA – One Customer’s Journey (Part III)


I ease myself into the comfy crosshatched buttery leather seats, feeling promptly like a combination of an Old Navy-wearing Beyonce and racecar driver in this perfect vehicle.  Jetsons-level console of remarkable navigation and Bluetooth and SIRIUS magic. Panoramic sunroof.  Wait – a MOON roof? I feel like I’m in the open air!  As someone who doesn’t know much about cars, I still know a truly gorgeous one when I see one.  I don’t know much about Tom Hardy either, but, like, I have eyes.


We decide to go and take the Turbo out for a test drive.  HOLY MOLY.  Scoot over, Beyonce, Danica is taking over now – to the left, to the left, girlfriend.  

To quote the dearly departed Prince per a song that was definitely not about cars but works here anyway, the ride is so smooth, you must be a limousine.   It was!  The turns, I took sharply, but with grace.  The power, extraordinary!  The side mirrors light up and recoil like a futuristic spaceship car mirrors would.  Something I had never felt in the five cars I had previously had is this equal parts smooth but remarkable power under your foot and in your steering.  The Kia Optima won my heart with an immediate ‘wowza’.  I popped my new best friend into park, and got a little bit worried at its wondrousness.  I look at my husband, who is already selecting a color and he requires the chrome rims, of course you want that, babe.  I shifted into standing in my own Purple Rain of doubt.  This car is way too nice; we can’t be practical and afford something like this. Even my husband looks a little skeptical.  We know we’re rockstars deep down, but does rockstar self-knowledge work with car leasing or purchasing?  Baby, do we have enough class?  Can we get our dream car?

Oh – but we can!


Amazing lease deals awaited us and the price for a vehicle of this caliber is shockingly reasonable.  We selected one with all of the bells and whistles and glided through the leasing process with the deal, which felt nothing like a ‘deal’, because there was calm universality of pricing and a great instinctive vibe of trust.  I am pretty sure I’m inviting my sales and service people to my birthday party this year.  You just know good folks when you meet them.

Written By Meg April

Three Cheers for 2017 Kia Sportage

Whether you’re loading up the family for a long trip to the west coast or sitting in start and stop traffic, the 2017 Kia Sportage can assure an easy cruising ride.

Featured in the Washington Post’s Cars Section, the new Sportage has lots offer for new and experienced drivers alike. With a turbocharged engine option, matched with exception interior and exterior craftsmanship the Sportage is definitely a win. And you can get yours at a low $21,427 at Beyer Kia.

2017 Kia Sportage

MSRP: $21,427 FWD or AWD
16.4 Fuel Tank Capacity 23/30 city/highway MPG
Touch Screen Display Apple CarPlay and Android Auto compatible (standard on EX and SX Turbo Trims)
Rear Camera Display (standard) Park Assist (EX and SX Turbo Trims)
Blind Spot Detection (EX and SX Turbo Trims) Lane Departure Warning
Auto Emergency Braking Bluetooth Connectivity (standard)
Steering Wheel Audio and Phone Control (standard) Cruise Control (standard)
USB/AUX Input (EX and SX Turbo Trims) Charger Port
Trip Computer (standard) Tilt and Telescopic Steering
Remote Keyless Entry Push to Start (EX and SX Turbo Trims)
Leather Seats (EX and SX Turbo Trims) Heated Seats

Select your location to browse our 2017 Kia Sportage Selection:alexfallschurch


Source: Washington Post